Photo Courtesy of Cuisinart.com
Ok, I’ll admit it. I have a problem. It started innocently enough.
Watching the TV one night, my wife mentions that we should get a ice
cream maker. This is a pretty normal occurrence in our house, as I’m
pretty sure we’re certifiably crazy at this point. it’s not unusual to
hear at 6:00am while getting out of the shower “so, any idea what you
might want for dinner tomorrow night? Because if we want to make pizza,
I’ll start working on the dough right now.” Of course, I’d put on a
towel before starting the mixing.
We eat a considerable amount of ice cream, frozen yogurt,
sorbet, gelato, and anything else that you can scoop into a cone, and I
knew that bringing an ice cream maker into our house would be a bad
idea. You could say that I have a bit of a perfectionist streak in me,
and I knew that once we started down this slippery slope, it would not
end until we had devised the perfect recipe and technique for making
all of our icy treats. I dismissed my wife’s idea saying that it would
be just one more gadget that we’d use twice, stuff into our pantry, and
then never use again.
A few weeks pass, and the holiday season is upon us. What to
buy for my wife for Christmas? I was very satisfied with theTivo that I
bought (cough, cough) for her last year, so how could I top that this
year? A Cartier watch? A new car? I know! An ice cream maker! And I
might, you know, help her out with it a little. I go with the Cuisinart
ICE-20 Frozen Yogurt, Ice Cream, and Sorbet Maker, featuring a free
second freezer bowl, bring it home, wrap it up, and put it under the
tree (this year featuring a star of David tree topper in deference to
my Jewish background), and there it sits, just waiting to be unwrapped
and take over our lives.
The big day comes, she opens the gift, and happiness ensues!
We must rush out to buy the ingredients and begin making ice cream and
frozen yogurt immediately. But what to buy? We being the health
conscious people that we are, we partake of frozen yogurt more than we
do ice cream. Will it be possible to make both delicious and sort-of
healthy treats? Our favorite store-bought brand says that it’s
possible, but will we be able to duplicate it at home?
Maybe instead of whole milk, we’ll try 1%. And we’ll buy that
organic natural plain yogurt that all the hippies are eating these
days. And heavy cream. You just can’t mess with that. We also scoop up
a bottle of high quality vanilla extract (we’re not quite ready to
invest in the expensive vanilla beans, yet) and a smaller bottle of
peppermint extract. We are ready to begin! It being the holiday season,
there is no shortage of candy canes lying around the house. The first
batch will be that favorite from our childhood, peppermint stick. I
proceed to crush up the canes using my trusty mortar and pestle; we mix
the first batch using the yogurt and 1% milk, pour it into the bowl,
and watch it start to churn away. Within a few minutes, it begins to
thicken, and the overpowering smell of mint and yogurt wafts into our
faces. A few minutes before it’s completed, I add in the crushed candy
canes. The product takes on a fanciful pink color and we’re on our way.
Mixing complete, we empty the bowl into one of the thousands of plastic
deli containers from our cupboard and inspect our first batch. It looks
temptingly creamy and delicious. we hope for success. We take our first
tastes. We look at each other, don’t say anything, and look back at the
batch. “It’s, um, pretty good.” “Mmm. Not bad.” it was bad. Overly
tangy from the organic yogurt, overly minty from too much peppermint
extract, and a little crunchy from grinding up the candy canes too
fine.
Not bad for a first try, but not even close to where we want
to be. We must try again. luckily, our model came with an extra freezer
bowl so that you can make two batches before having to wait the six
hours for the bowls to refreeze. This time we will make a
chocolate-chocolate chip. I have some milk chocolate chips in the
pantry, so we can use those. I try bashing those up in the mortar and
pestle but just end up with a big mashed clump of flattened chips. Aha,
I’ll put them in the freezer and then try it. Still no luck. Well, I
guess we can just put them in whole. Fine. We mix up another batch,
this time using just the milk and yogurt, completely leaving out the
cream. Again, we watch the magic unfold and produce a luscious looking
creamy result. We taste. Ew. Worse than the first. The yogurt is
completely overpowering. Back to the drawing board.
Is it a problem with the machine? Is it a problem with the
ingredients? Are we completely incapable of making a decent batch of
ice cream or frozen yogurt? We need a baseline. A standard. A simple,
real vanilla ice cream. Just whole milk, heavy cream, sugar, and
vanilla. No playing around with the healthy stuff. We need the real
deal. We mix up a batch, once again pour it into the machine, and let
it rip. 25 minutes later, we’ve finally done it. We’ve created the
creamiest, freshest, light-as-air vanilla ice cream we’ve ever had. Ok,
maybe we’re a little biased, but this stuff was good. A few hours in
the freezer would harden it up to the proper scooping consistency, and
we were ready to move on.
Another look at the ingredient list of our favorite frozen
yogurt lists the following as the first three ingredients: “whole milk,
heavy cream, cultured skim milk.” again, we attempt to make a frozen
yogurt, but this time use whole milk, and half heavy cream and half low
fat vanilla yogurt. The yogurt is a mass commercial brand, and thus is
sweeter, less tangy and less “yogurty” than the organic varieties. We
wait the requisite 25 minutes and keep our fingers crossed. Have we
finally cracked the code? Will this be the magic combination to our
joy? We dip our spoons into the mixture and take a taste, and we just
look at each other and smile. We had done it! It tasted just as rich
and creamy as the ice cream, and just as good as our commercial brand.
With this formula, we would be able to make any flavor that we could
imagine. The floodgates have opened. We’ve got some frogurt to make.
Where to begin? We begin rummaging through the pantry and
freezer. Some frozen thin mint cookies supplied by our friendly
neighborhood girl scouts? Bash them up and mix them into the vanilla
frozen yogurt during the last few minutes. Thin mint frogurt! A piece
of vahlrona milk (or dark) chocolate? Chop it up and mix it into mint
flavored yogurt for a high end mint chocolate chip. Some pistachios?
Chop them up and add them to vanilla for a sweet and salty treat. I
start going though the grocery store looking for anything that could be
made into an ice cream? Hmmm, shrimp? I bet I could make that into an
ice cream! Crimini mushrooms? Sure, why not? Ok, I was getting a little
bit carried away, but it was almost too easy to make such delicious
treats, and it was getting hard to stop. Banana-toasted walnut.
Raspberry-chocolate chip. Blood orange sorbet. Mango sorbet. On and on
we went. We couldn’t stop. But we had to stop. We started dreaming
about ice cream. But, oh, what wonderful dreams.